It wasn’t long before we were landing at the Hanoi airport, listening to the song “Hello, Vietnam” on repeat from the speakers. Dan bought a SIM card, and a stranger informed us that Vietnam has Uber. Then we got an Uber to our hotel before another full day exploring the river and rice paddies of Tam Coc.

A preview of the next day’s scenery

We had breakfast at our hotel (western and Vietnamese pho options) before heading to our bus stop. Ubers were like 60 cents there, so even though it would have been a short walk, we actually Ubered to our bus stop in ultimate American convenience. We got there before the bus, so we sat on the steps of the building we were waiting in front of, just watching the traffic in the roundabout. The traffic was the most chaotic thing I’ve ever seen. Scooters carried four people at a time, planks of wood sticking out horizontally into traffic, and carts of flowers three times larger than their bike. There were very, very few stoplights in Vietnam… most people just weaved in and out of traffic, and honking was the only signal they gave. We marveled at how there weren’t more accidents (we hadn’t seen any) with the lack of traffic rules here. Apparently there are 92 million people in Vietnam and 45 million registered motorbikes, to give you a picture of just how many there are. There are at least 7 million in Ho Chi Minh City and at least 4 million in Hanoi. It was hard to believe the city we were in didn’t have the most in Vietnam— there was, in fact, another city with almost double this amount. Dan advised us to cross the street without stopping and let the bikes go around you— it confuses drivers more when you stop and wait than just continuing your pace. We laughed about how it was probably one of the only places in the world where you could not look, walk across the road in heavy traffic, and not get hit. Drivers are so used to the chaos that it’s normal. Having more rules would actually be abnormal in Vietnam.

Finally our bus came and we drove toward the first stop as our guide introduced himself as Mr. Duck. Our first stop was in the ancient capital of Hoa Lu, which was the capital of Vietnam in the 10th and 11th centuries. There we visited two temples, honoring King Dinh and King Le respectively. The temples were reconstructed in the 17^th century. While the temples themselves were fairly run-of-the-mill, the surrounding area was quite scenic with limestone mountains and a river dotted with lily pads running through the center.

Supposedly, this area once had palaces, pagodas, tombs, and pavilions from many dynasties, but they were destroyed through time and weather. When I used the restroom here, a sign demanded a fee to use it. However, I didn’t see anyone around, so I just went in anyway. When I came out, a guy asked me for money, but I said I didn’t have any and walked away. He didn’t seem to care too much. Now, I didn’t get out of my second bathroom encounter so easily. But that’s a story for later in the post.

We got back in the bus, stopped at a buffet for lunch, and then finally at Tam Coc— the long awaited destination. We were handed lifejackets and stood in line for our turn to board a sampan boat. Dan and I rode in one, Zack and Josh in the other. Our rower had multiple umbrellas, a conical hat, and long sleeves to protect himself from the sun as he paddled the boat with his bare feet. He was able to move the oars in a circular pattern, no hands required. I don’t think I mentioned yet that these Vietnamese conical hats (called non la) were literally being sold to you at every turn. Luckily I had a hat with me, an easy out to these relentless salesmen. Any hatless person on the tour got swarmed by Vietnamese people outbidding the competition to sell you the farmer’s hat. Dan bought one, so that cleared him, and Zack and Josh had already bought brimmed sun hats earlier in the day. We were not their target customers.

We floated down the Ngo Dong River, as I shielded myself from the sun with an umbrella. We passed rice paddies and more limestone mountains as Dan told me more about his new job at Scout. Tam Coc means “three caves” in Vietnamese, and this river took us under some small caves, a big relief from the hot sun. Before turning around on the river, we had to fight off more people trying to sell us things via boat. It was very scenic, albeit sweltering hot.

Rowing with no hands!

Riverside goats!

Once we returned to land, I went in for a second attempt at using a bathroom at a Vietnamese tourist spot and this time I had to get sneaky. When I went to the bathroom, the lady tending it wouldn’t let me go in without paying. I told her I didn’t have any money, but she physically blocked me from going into the bathroom. So I turned around and pretended to have given up. When she wasn’t looking, I darted into the men’s bathroom. She heard the metal door clink when I locked it and yelled something in Vietnamese. I knew I was in trouble. I tried to leave the bathroom unnoticed, but she found me. She screamed at me in Vietnamese for a good 20 seconds. I had no clue what she was saying, but she was pissed. Finally, she left, after hitting me with what I assume were some very derogatory, Vietnamese curse words. I felt bad, but I also felt like I didn’t want to be harassed for money to use the bathroom, so I just went anyway. I’m sure with that attitude she gets her money off most everybody. Plus, Dan was holding all the cash for the group, so I literally didn’t have any with me. By the time I made it out, I didn’t want to go back and give her anything.

As we waited for the rest of the group, I got an ice cream cone and our guide distributed the bikes. We biked around the countryside town, flat with lush, green rice paddies, ending in a line of jagged mountains. At some point our guide had to turn around to fix a bike tire and by the time he caught up to us again he said we had gone too far. We turned around, and headed back for the bus. On the ride home, Mr. Duck gave us Vietnamese cube-shaped candies that appeared solid, but when you went to eat them, they turned into a pile of sweet powder on your tongue. We drank water to recover from the dry snack.

We got back to Hanoi early evening and researched restaurants in the area. Vietnam was very inexpensive compared to American prices, so we went to the highest recommended place online. It was upscale and fancy, with dim lighting and a complex menu. Our waitress was the nicest person we’ve ever met. She demonstrated to us how to properly prepare some of the Vietnamese dishes we ordered, and by the end of the night she was pointing out places on a complimentary map with a full description of where to go and how to get there. She asked us where else we planned to go in Vietnam, but we butchered the name of the island we were visiting later in the week so badly that she said she had never heard of it. When we finally communicated the name, she told us the correct pronunciation and we tried to mimic her. I’m not sure we ever quite got it. For dessert, we ordered pomegranate ice cream, which came in the shell of a pomegranate. It was incredible… so incredible that we talked about coming back another time just for dessert. After we left, we went to the center of the Old Quarter, a popular area for nightlife. People sitting in little, plastic stools at little, plastic tables spilled into the already busy road. We all got drinks sitting at the miniature “play” furniture and watched young foreigners and Vietnamese dressed for a night out dodge waiters inviting them to sit on their plastic stools.

A second of indecision in these busy alleyways and you’d get bombarded by waiters trying to seat you at their pub, not the competition’s. It was hilarious to watch. One guy would stop, just for a moment, and five waiters would surround him, tapping his shoulder and offering their menu. Hectic would be an understatement for describing this area, called Bia Hoi Junction (bia hoi is Vietnamese draft beer). Drinks finished, it was time to head home, past all the funny t-shirts on display, for an early departure to Ha Long Bay the next day.